Guess who's back?

Hello to all my past, current and future blog fans. I know i need to start writing again so I just want to put it out there so I will make myself start again. I live in Upstate New York now and making a new life for myself. I miss writing so much and I have so much to say...thank you to those of you whom encourage me to use my talent. Yes, maybe that sounds arrogant but I know I am a talented writer. I literally haven't written much in years which is sad so im posting this to force myself to do it again! Will be talking at you soon!

ONLY IN TEXAS

 I WROTE THIS AWHILE AGO AND I HAVE TO SAY IM DISSAPOINTED IN MYSELF. I LOVE TEXAS!

Only in Texas:

are you are sitting behind a gigantic truck with a huge anti-abortion sticker next to a McCain/Palin sticker and not blink. Just an everyday sight!


do you turn your heater off and on three times a day because the weather can't make up its mind

would you find the ugliest eyesore of a football stadium whose team kind of blows- but you love anyway and own several pieces of clothing in support of them! so does your dog!

do you hear a gunshot and go back to reading your book...

does a guy spit his chew out beside you on the street and you're fine with it

do you walk into a bar and every girl has bleached blonde hair and puffy lips screaming with her look a like friends about how cute George Bush is...

when someone tells you to join a church to meet men and when you tell them you're an atheist they just say "Well, you can pretend." Because women are not supposed to be alone here.

people don't think reading books is important...

that Rick Perry seems like a cool guy!

You walk into a house where a man displays a giant boar he hunted and puts a pink feather boa around its head

you start to think you should own a gun too

do drivers have no idea what a yield sign is...

she and him

"Let me hear you say, this shit is bananas 
B-A-N-A-N-A-S

this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S."
Gwen Stefani

"Introducing Bo"-

and sandy!

fabulous baby brother, lover not a fighter, friend to the animals, soul surfer, tambourine man, clicker of cameras, MOSTLY not a douchebag, loves his mommy, buys his girlfriends shoes-no occasion necessary-excellent negotiator with the Secret Service (long story), able to play blackjack with one functioning eye and two functioning brain cells, and often makes me giggle until a bit of pee pee comes out! BUT- THERE ARE TWO NEVER FORGIVABLE OFFENSES he once bit my finger really-really hard at a "Ween" concert! OUCH! AND made me cry during a forced upon -and not ready for -advanced snowboarding run followed by yelling at me "there's no crying in snowboarding!" finally had to be driven down by snowmobile. Thanks man! I was really happy on the bunny hill and my top of the line outfit looked fabulous...SO-THAT'S HOW GRUDGES GO!

During our childhood, he was a chubby little wanker who followed me around and whom I abused on a daily basis. But as adults we became best friends! We both lived in Austin and were having a little too much fun. Is there such a thing?

Sadly, he moved to San Diego a few years ago and I moved to LA before that -so although the love strong the closeness has faded mostly because of location...and also that little thing where I annoy him. 
But seriously- "what the hell happened?" when did my life become such a drag?
When did he steal my fun loving super duper twirly whirly of fun bubble? 
Perhaps he is just a gnome that is borrowing it!

Good thing I bought that book on Garden Gnome attacks-you can never be too careful!

Fun filled Facts:

She

Living in Texas in my Step Dad's rental house (it's free so can't really complain-not pretty but has a working toilet) next to my beloved neighbors (alleged) meth heads whom are frequently drunk and for some reason refuse to wear shoes or speak anything remotely close to proper English-or something I can even slightly understand...and finally, where the Barney Fife Cop Brigade occasionally papers my front door with WANTED Flyers for various criminals around the neighborhood. Yes, M. F. Gonzales who resided or resides three doors down from my palace and currently wanted for 2nd Degree Assault causing serious bodily injury-I am still following up on some leads and will someday get that $5000.00 reward! LOOK OUT! Other charming features in my neighborhood-a trailer park called the "dirty dirty" which sounds like a cool hipster dive bar but is actually a pretty dirty (hence the name) trailer park where an 8 year old boy tried to get in my car and go home with me; his only request was "Did I have a dog and is he nice?" hmmmm..."...and your parents are?????" maybe he was trying to escape!
Also I have been offered jobs with pimps twice at the store across the street. Still considering best offer...

Him

Living in California with two HOT roommates who surf-sit-stand-kick back-sleep-whatever- around looking hot. Watching TV: Looking hot! Brushing Teeth:Looking hot! Checking the mail: Looking hot! These boys are rumored to on occasion wash their cars shirtless-yes, shirtless in the driveway (that event should be advertised on craigslist or possibly have tickets sold) or I just sound weird and creepy right now which is also possible. be quiet you old cougar!
SIDEBAR: My brother does not describe them in that manner :) or any manner resembling anything just written about those guys-not that there's anything wrong with that!
Their life seems a constant tilt- a -whirl! Beach parties, surfing, barbecues, nice weather, hot babes, beer-just your basic ENDLESS SUMMER!

She

This weekend: watched the Emmy awards for second time with a friend and my mom, went to art store with my mom, made a collage with my mom, read a book near my mom, attended church, ate lunch with my aunt and uncle (although it was a free lunch inside Nieman Marcus that smelled oh so Prada and Louis and Gucci-oh-my!) and played scrabble on Facebook for endless hours upon hours with strangers that are much smarter than me and make me feel bad when I return their V-E-R-I-T-A-S with T-O-Y. 

Pool inside the Hugh Hefner Suite

Him

Spent an entire weekend lost in Las Vegas at the  Palms Hotel-yes the one you see on "The Girls Next Door" or the one where the first Las Vegas Real World kids lived who are all referred to as the- "old one's" from like the eighties by my sister in law. Thanks sis!  Staying in Hugh Hefner Suite like Kendra did on her 21st birthday, Drinkin' Gamblin', Smokin', rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous and taking silly photos! Actually have no idea what they did because have not heard from said brother since he called me from the suite and might be being held captive by Playboy Bunnies or those Peacocks Hef seems to have roaming around the mansion...hope to hear from you soon! Send pictures!

She

Watches the fabulous HBO show "Entourage"

Him:

Part of an real life fabulous "Entourage."

You never know.

Have fun Bo! But not too MUCH! 

Liquidate This!

My first post...its about time I suppose!

Got caught up in bookstore closing madness but now I am free, unemployed and BORED AS HELL
More than anything I am seeking independence/freedom....and CABLE! With the GOOD channels...

Is a living wage too much to ask for in this economy? Probably...but I will try until I bleed trolls!
Back to the liquidation; I escaped fairly unharmed. My proudest moment was probably when a customer wanted to call the cops on me because he claimed I verbally abused him...really? Because I told you calling a manager was a waste of time and they would not take off anything extra off that Sarah Palin book because she was a retard? Okay-maybe I didn't use those words...but yes, I was rude...to the deserved and there was NO shortage.

Here is my survival acceptance speech-
Thank you to the lady who wanted me to ring up each one of her 50 books and tell me the exact percent off and subtotal and thanks to Griff for taking over that transaction. I cannot afford bail.
Thanks to the lady who thought it would be a "fun idea" to bitch and yell at a manager who is one of the sweetest guys on the planet and at all of us soon to be unemployed workers who were just trying to help you. That said manager hates your face and so do I!
Thanks to the parents who let their children rip things apart, chew on and basically make items unsellable and gross to clean up-thank you especially to the parent whom left clumps of Cheetos for me to clean up! I appreciate YOU!
Thanks to Newy Scruggs-local sports commentator who gave me a fun moment in an otherwise "Groundhog Day" of crap.
Thanks to everyone who said I, or one of my co-workers, were "the reason we were going out of business" you are brilliant!
To all you jerks, losers. hoarders and basic weirdos (not the good kind) thanks for making the last days of one of the best jobs I ever experienced a total and complete nightmare!
and no...Tex-Mex for Dummies is not a language learning book-genius!

But to my managers, co-workers and regular customers-I will miss you deeply!

Carry on and be fruitful....